TWILIGHT

I look at this picture and Oh, how I long to be 18 and in love with a Vampire. Twisted thoughts??

I'm having a hard time getting past my "Cedric Diggory" memories and trying to replace them with thoughts of Edward...

I haven't really been excited to see any movies lately, but I'm afraid that December is not going to get here soon enough for me. I've become OBSESSED!!!! Will December ever get here???

MY NEW FEATURE!!

Just wanted to tell you about the new feature I added to my page. If you notice off to the left I have something entitled "Inspirations." As of lately I have found that my mind has wandered to many different things. Some good, some not so good. So I added this not only for myself but maybe for any of you that are in need of a little "inspiration" throughout the day or week. This is to help me to either stay grounded, or just simply to make me feel better. Maybe it's a thought I wish I could say to someone, or it's a thought that simply needs to be said to myself. Hopefully they can inspire us all at one time or another.

My Adorable Son!!

Well, here we are still in Utah and we'll be here for another three weeks. As most of you know, we live and work in Branson, Missouri. During this time of year, Branson goes into the "off-season" and the entire city closes down. Because it's a tourist town, this is just not the time of year to visit Branson. It's honestly a ghost town and I want to get away from it so bad. So, Cameron and I usually come back to Utah to spend time with family, but we usually don't stay this long. The reason why we're still here is because Cameron works for a photography company that takes him away on the weekends. He'll continue to work here in Utah until his job starts up again in March.

So, you wonder why I'm telling you all of this??? Well, because Cameron works for this photographer he has access to these AMAZING (and VERY expensive) cameras. So, we took some really cute shots of Kashton. We didn't really get technical with lighting and other aspects of photography. I just wanted some shots of Kashton at 9 months old. So, we just changed his clothes a couple of times and took a few shots. Hope you enjoy them. I think they're DARLING!!!

Sitting on Grandpa Duane's old tractor.

He looks like Mr. Smee from Peter Pan!! Ignore the un-made bed. :) We took these first thing in the morning. I was just so excited about the cute pictures. Who cares about the un-made bed...right???? My mom already teased me about this. But we're even. I tease here all the time about her crazy FLORAL sheets.

FINALLY!!!! CHRISTMAS IN FEBRUARY!!!!

I'm sure I'm the last person on the planet to STILL be posting pictures of Christmas. Because I'm a dork (and, again, the last person on the planet that only owns a point-and-shoot camera) I finally got my film developed. When I went to pick-up my pictures from good ol' WALMART, the photo disk that I ordered with my prints was completely messed up. So I had to take a little trip BACK to Walmart to have them re-do my disk. So here are pictures of Kashton on his FIRST Christmas.

Sitting in the fresh snowfall at Temple Square. It was a GORGEOUS snowy night.

Kashton received his FIRST present from Santa. Some comfy Christmas PJs. Here are all the cousins together at their Christmas party.

It was so much fun watching him discover the lights and ornaments and the wonder in his precious little eyes.

His first Christmas morning. He was a little spoiled. :)



Eating the ribbons was far more interesting than anything that he opened. Even though we tried to show him his new toys, he still went back to the ribbons.

He loved his silly little stocking with the teddy bear on it. Of course, he could care less what was inside, he just loved to eat it.

Oh My!!!

Oh My...why am I such a nerd that I don't own a digital camera???? Anyway, I apologize in the lack-there-of in blogs. I'm doing things "old school" with a point-and-shoot camera. So as soon as I get my film developed, I'll post some pictures of Christmas. Sorry to be so behind the times. And I also apologize for my major downer previous blog. However, can you believe that it's been three weeks, I'm STILL sick, and Kashton even had a bought of illness. Both of us have been on a round of Ammoxicillian (sorry, no clue how to spell that) and Kashton is weathering much better than I am. Darn this dry Utah weather. Still, I can't complain too much because I love it here. Kashton got a little croupy but is doing much better now. Three weeks later and I'm still coughing most of the night, and I NOW have a sore throat. Yucky!! However, Cameron made it safely to Utah and it's been such a blessing having him here to help me out with Kashton.

Okay, so be prepared for some pictures soon. Sorry to be so late with the Christmas posts!!!

It's 5:30 AM...

...and why am I not sleeping? I feel so incredibily exhausted and would love to be asleep, but the feeling of guilt and remorse has overcome my desire to sleep. This night has not been much different compared to the nights over the past two weeks. The only difference is I kinda lost my temper tonight. So...you're probably wondering why I would sit down to write a very random blog at 5:30 in the morning. Well, maybe because I have mean thoughts in my head and I have to put them down somewhere.

This dry Utah weather has really taken it's toll on my health and I've been really struggling with a horrible cold for almost two weeks now. It's been impossible to sleep because as soon as I lay down, I cough. I'm amazed that even NiQuil hasn't helped in the least. Not only have I been up most of these nights coughing, but Kashton has been crying alot during the nights as well. I ended up taking him to a pediatrician here in Utah. After my family has had a chance to be with him, everyone has agreed that he is abnormally very irritable. So, of course I start thinking that there is something wrong with him. Off I go to the doctor only to hear the same thing as always....Absolutely nothing wrong with him.

Cameron is still in Missouri finishing up work and here I am spending many a sleepless night battling illness and the baby from (swear words), bawling my eyes out, feeling as though I can't handle one more day with this child. I'm too proud to walk down the hall and wake my mother for help. She has to get up early in the morning for work, and....well, I guess there comes a time in life when you can't run to mom for help every time there's a problem.

After coughing until 3:00 I finally started to settle down and was feeling like I was about to finally fall asleep. Then Kashton begins. I lay there and just let him cry. Thirty minutes later he's still crying. I get up, give him the binky, rock him a little, lay him back down....More Crying. He doesn't stop. Another 30 minutes of crying goes by. All my efforts wasted...he just wont stop. I bring him to bed with me, snuggle him even though he's screaming in my ear. Forcefully I start bouncing him and pacing the hall (it's amazing the carpet isn't worn bare for how often I've done this lately). Tears streaming down my face, trying my best to shush.
Then the craziness took over.
I started telling him (in not a very quiet voice) to "JUST SHUT UP." And it continued... "What is wrong with you?" "There is nothing wrong with you." "Why have you done nothing but CRY FOR EIGHT MONTHS?"
Then it got worse...
"I REALLY DON'T LIKE YOU."
"I DON'T EVEN WANT YOU ANYMORE!!!"
"WHY DID I WANT YOU SO BAD IN THE FIRST PLACE?"

What kind of mother says this to her child?

5:00 AM Finally got him to sleep and layed back down...but felt too awful to sleep. I love him, how could I say such terrible things to him.

I'm a terrible mother!!!

First Snow!!!

This month at our house....

Kashton was so tired, he fell asleep on his Exersaucer...

...bathtime will forever be the favorite time of day...

...Thanksgiving was spent with Kashton's best friend Parker...

...Daddy went to Disneyworld and brought back the perfect gift...

...my little seven month old drooling machine...
...and finally, we made it to Utah safely and we were SO excited about the fresh snowfall. It was absolutely beautiful. We drove in at 3:00 AM and I found myself holding back tears looking at the snow covering all the evergreens and weighing them down. Everything seemed so peaceful and quiet. I didn't care that it was 3:00 AM and I had been in the car for 21 hours, I just wanted to revel in the wonderful moment. Even Hershey was so excited to romp around in the snow and lap it up. I guess we all felt like we were home at last. We're officially ready for a wonderful Christmas!!